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Forgive and Forget: The Best of the Worst Advice?

In emotional advice, “forgive and forget” frequently remains a signal of effortlessness, offering a direct answer for the intricacies of human struggle. However, does aimlessly sticking to this well-established saying genuinely prompt emotional freedom, or does it distort the complexities of recuperating after hurt? This article examines the benefits and demerits with a simple point of view.

Forgiveness, in its substance, is a demonstration of freedom—setting oneself free from the shackles of disdain and outrage. It can prepare for profound mending, permitting people to move forward with lighter hearts and more apparent personalities. Nonetheless, the idea of forgetting is where the suggestions begin to flounder.

Human memory is not an immaculate record effortlessly cleaned off. Endeavouring to eradicate agonizing encounters from one’s psyche isn’t just worthless but frequently hindering. Disregarding or stifling feelings related to hurt can prompt unsettled injury stewing underneath the surface, prepared to reemerge at surprising instances.

Is Forgive and Forget really a good advice?

Besides, the emphasis on forgetting might subvert the course of heartfelt forgiveness. Sincere forgiveness recognizes the effect of the offence, identifies its consequences, and deliberately decides to deliver the hatred. Forgiving without realizing the hurt is similar to avoiding the problem instead of tending it head-on.

Besides, the emphasis on forgetting can incidentally propagate patterns of damage. We risk normalizing unsafe behaviour and empowering its repeat by neglecting past offences without responsibility. Overlooking the examples gained from previous encounters leaves us defenseless against rehashing similar errors.

Does this imply that “forgive and forget” is an innately imperfect suggestion? Not totally. Like other apothegms, its insight lies not in blind adherence but in nuanced understanding. Maybe a more adjusted approach is essential—one that embraces the quintessence of forgiveness while at the same time recognizing the intricacies of human feelings and encounters.

Mindfulness practise how to forgive yourself and others

  1. Embrace Authenticity
    • Allow yourself to be real and embrace your imperfections.
    • Let yourself be vulnerable to yourself and others.
  2. Acknowledge Harm
    • Recognize the full extent of the harm caused by others.
    • Acknowledge the full extent of the harm you may have caused.
  3. Take Time
    • Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings.
    • Offer yourself deep compassion.
  4. Seek Support
    • Consider seeking skilled, ethical, trauma-sensitive support.
  5. Self-Determination
    • Remember that only you can determine if, when, and how forgiveness may be healing for you.
    • Be cautious of teachings or individuals that pressure or guilt you into forgiving.
  6. Reflect on Forgiveness
    • Consider if it feels healing to practice forgiving the person who harmed you.
    • Reflect on whether self-forgiveness feels healing.
  7. Understand Causes
    • If and when you feel ready, gently consider the causes and conditions that resulted in the person causing you harm.
    • Similarly, gently consider the causes and conditions that led to your actions.
  8. Embody Forgiveness
    • Ask yourself how you want to embody both the tender and fierce elements of forgiveness.
    • Contemplate how to embody both the gentle and strong aspects of self-forgiveness.
  9. Seek Justice and Make Amends
    • Consider what it would mean, and how it would feel, to seek justice and speak out with a clear mind and a peaceful heart.
    • Think about what it means to apologize and make amends with a clear mind and a peaceful heart.
  10. Accountability
    • Hold yourself accountable for the harm you have caused.

How to Heal After Hurt

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Permit yourself to experience and handle your feelings without judgment or concealment. Perceiving your sentiments is the most vital move toward mending.

2. Set Boundaries

Lay out clear limits to safeguard yourself from additional damage. Limits are not an indication of shortcomings but rather of self-esteem and self-safeguarding.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Indulge yourself with benevolence and understanding during troublesome times. Self-empathy is fundamental for encouraging flexibility and internal strength. Learn more tools how to build your self esteem and compassion here.

4. Seek Support

Rest on your support network, whether companions, family, or a specialist. Encircling yourself with understanding and merciful people can give approval and solace.

5. Embrace Acceptance

Acknowledgement doesn’t mean supporting or pardoning the pernicious activities of others. It implies recognizing the truth of your experience and discovering a sense of reconciliation inside yourself. Learn more methods for self acceptance here.


All in all, while the idea of “forgive and forget” may offer a similarity to effortlessness, its application, in reality, is undeniably more nuanced. Aimlessly sticking to this guidance ignores the intricacies of human feelings and encounters. All things being equal, let us take a stab at a more adjusted approach — one that embraces pardoning while at the same time recognizing the significance of recalling, learning, and defining limits.

Mending after hurt is an journey that requires mental fortitude, self-empathy, and strength. It’s unnecessary to focus on failing to remember the past but on discovering a sense of reconciliation and development by disregarding it. Our best tips is to let yourself take the time you need, don’t try to push away the feelings that arise, but sit with them, meditate with them and slowly you will notice the healing effects begin to take place.


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